Are You Suffering from Sock-Puppet-Paranoia?
Posted: 03 Sep 2025 10:25 am
(Upbeat, slightly-too-peppy narrator voice over a stock image of a concerned family staring at a laptop)
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Are you constantly checking for duplicate IP addresses in your online forums? Do you find yourself muttering "That's definitely his alt account" when a stranger agrees with someone you're arguing with? Do you suspect your neighbor’s cat is a well-funded disinformation bot?
You might be suffering from Sock-Puppet-Paranoia, or SPP.
It’s an epidemic sweeping the internet, leaving a trail of exhausted keyboard warriors and empty coffee mugs in its wake.
The Symptoms:
The Dangers of SPP:
The Cure?
Just like the common cold, there is no cure for SPP. But you can manage the symptoms.
This public service announcement was brought to you by the Foundation for the Sanity of the Internet, and by people who are tired of being called sock puppets.
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Written using Google/Gemini.
Off topic posts have been moved to [flotsam] Are You Suffering from Sock-Puppet-Paranoia?
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(Sound of a record scratch)
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Are you constantly checking for duplicate IP addresses in your online forums? Do you find yourself muttering "That's definitely his alt account" when a stranger agrees with someone you're arguing with? Do you suspect your neighbor’s cat is a well-funded disinformation bot?
You might be suffering from Sock-Puppet-Paranoia, or SPP.
It’s an epidemic sweeping the internet, leaving a trail of exhausted keyboard warriors and empty coffee mugs in its wake.
The Symptoms:
- Excessive Use of the Phrase "Nice Try, [insert name here]": Even when addressing a complete stranger.
- The "Shadow Council" Delusion: A firm belief that all dissenting opinions are coordinated by a single, malicious mastermind using an army of fake accounts.
- Insomnia: Waking up at 3 a.m. to check if someone's posting habits from 2009 match a new user's. (Hint: They don't. Go to bed.)
The Dangers of SPP:
- The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: By treating everyone like a sock puppet, you start to believe your own hype, isolating yourself from genuine debate and different viewpoints.
- Anxiety and Stress: Your online life becomes a constant game of "whack-a-mole," but all the moles look like the same mole.
- It Turns You Into the Thing You Hate: You start to sound like a conspiracy theorist, which is, ironically, the easiest way to get written off as a crazy person—a fate worse than a troll.
The Cure?
Just like the common cold, there is no cure for SPP. But you can manage the symptoms.
- Step 1: Breathe.
- Step 2: Assume everyone is an individual unless proven otherwise. (This is harder than it sounds.)
- Step 3: Remind yourself that a person’s online behavior is not a reflection of your worth.
- Step 4: If all else fails, log off and do something with your hands, like petting a real dog or building something out of LEGOs. Anything to prove to yourself that not everything is a conspiracy.
This public service announcement was brought to you by the Foundation for the Sanity of the Internet, and by people who are tired of being called sock puppets.
===
Written using Google/Gemini.
Off topic posts have been moved to [flotsam] Are You Suffering from Sock-Puppet-Paranoia?
Before posting to this topic please review the [flotsam] area.