In spring training, veteran ballplayers have lots of time of their hands. Their daily routine starts to drag.
Pranks can help spice things up. The Chicago Tribune brought us the tale of Cubs strength coach Tim Buss and his 1995 Nissan Sentra.
On Tuesday, players told Buss to check out his car. It was a mess. As ESPN.com noted, “the windows were smashed, the doors tied closed, the trunk peeled up and the roof punctured.”
The criminals left their calling cards: bats and balls.
“I figured [Jon] Lieber, [Kerry] Wood immediately, [Ryan] Dempster . . . ” he told the Tribune. “Then I realized it was every pitcher we have.”
That’s funny stuff, but how was Buss going to explain this to his wife? After all, the Sentra was really her car.
“It’s a shame,” Buss said after assessing the damage, according to the Tribune. “What kind of person would do something like that? It really just shocks me. I’m sure she’ll understand.”
After Buss had suffered enough, Dempster directed Buss back to the parking lot. There, Cubs players gave him the keys to a Nissan Xterra SUV.
The Tribune tells us that Buss misted up while receiving the gift. “They’re great guys,” he said.
MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE
Questions to ponder while wondering how many Americans will take a really long lunch today:
- With good-hitting middle infielder Juan Uribe on waivers, should the Cards take a look?
- Who could have possibly guessed that Kerry Wood would get during spring training?
- Is Brandon Chillar really a $5.4 million linebacker? Based on what?
- Why, exactly, does the College Basketball Invitational exist?
SAD, BUT TRUE
NBC funnyman Jay Leno had this take on March Madness: “A Chicago consulting firm said that March Madness is going to cost U.S. businesses $1.7 billion in lost productivity. In fact, so many people are watching basketball at work, they don’t even have time to look at porn.”
THAT’S JUST MEAN
Over at Sports by Brooks, Randy Moss got a rough ride for getting his own commemorative envelope in West Virginia. The blog could only imagine what Moss might say at the unveiling ceremony:
“Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds . . . unless Kerry Collins is the postmaster or I’m feeling kinda down that day or if the letters are over the middle of the field.”
QUIPS ‘R US
Here is what America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:
Chris Foster, Los Angeles Times: “UCLA versus Mississippi Valley State. Both reek of tradition. The Wooden Award, named for the former Bruins coach, goes to college basketball’s best player. The Alphonso Ford Top Scorer Trophy, named for a former Mississippi Valley State player, goes to the leading scorer in the Euroleague.”
Mark Kriegel, FoxSports.com: “Can’t wait to see Stanford-Cornell in the first round of the tournament. Heard they’re going to have a dynamite science fair at halftime.”
Greg Couch, Chicago Sun-Times: “Did you watch the Big Ten tournament? This conference is absolutely awful, meaning Big Ten teams haven’t played top opponents all year. No Big Ten teams get past the second round.”
Bill Simmons, ESPN.com: “I’m going with UCLA over Tennessee in the title game. If you have that as your final as well, set your pool on fire right now because that’s the most fun you’ll have with it. I’m never right about anything. Then again, even Kwame Brown grabs a rebound every once in a while. You never know.”
Jerry Greene, Orlando Sentinel: “A recent medical study suggests not only does HGH not improve strength but it might worsen athletic performance. That’s pure irony right there, folks.”
Norman Chad, syndicated columnist, after hearing Prince Fielder has gone vegetarian: “I hate to be a tool for the beef industry, but the next National League MVP is not going to be eating wheat gluten burgers. Fielder hit 50 homers last season on a steady diet of steaks and tri-tip; I believe he’ll hit 28 homers this season on a steady diet of sprouts and tofu.”
Dan Daly, Washington Times: “Turning to football, Giants receiver David Tyree is coming out with a book in September. It’s tentatively titled “You, Too, Can Write A Book If You Catch A Pass Late In The Super Bowl By Improbably Pinning The Ball Against Your Helmet.”
Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “Japanese manufacturer Toyota won its first Sprint Cup race since joining NASCAR last year. Which explains all of those Confederate flags flying at half mast.”
Mike Bianchi, Orlando Sentinel: ‘Did you see where Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island was caught with marijuana in her car a few days ago? Coming soon: The Professor is arrested for making HGH out of coconut shells and bamboo husks.”
MEGAPHONE
“We want to show them that we belong in this tournament. We worked hard to have this tournament, and we want to take full advantage of that. We’re going to prepare for Georgetown and go into this game thinking that we’re going to win. That’s how we’re going to approach it.”
UMBC point guard Jay Greene.
bob diet greene life new…
I found your site via Google while searching for %KEYWORD% and your post regarding %TITLE% looks very interesting to me….
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Nutritional Supplements Beauty With Herbalife Herbalife Weight Loss…
I didn’t agree with you first, but last paragraph makes sense for me…
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Wild Bill…
Nice article….
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Weight Loss Diabetic Diet Weight Loss Programs…
I didn’t agree with you first, but last paragraph makes sense for me…
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Nutritional Supplements Vitamin World Cholesterol…
I didn’t agree with you first, but last paragraph makes sense for me…
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Free Porn Free Cartoon Pokemon Porn 100 Free Porn…
I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Online Poker Sites…
Online Poker Sites
Casino Games
Play Poker
Online Gambling
Keno
Free Slots
Top Online Casinos…
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Poker Online…
Online Poker…
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Slot machines…
Slot machine…
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Why do they have the CBI? So schools like 26-7 IUPUI (one of those losses to SLU), with an RPI of 69, aren’t left out of the postseason.
Oh wait….
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
f##k the what?
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Once again, we are the world DJ Axeom!
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I root for Notre Dame because they don’t recruit black players. Duke is OK too, but they have a few blacks on their squad, this year anyway.
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I picked Georgetown to win the NCAAs, because they don’t recruit white players…
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Which has been blown more? Me, or Rams’ draft picks with Linehan at the helm?
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Addition by subtraction with Chillar, he couldn’t tackle any of us…..
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Put everything you’ve got on the Rams drafting a Samoan tight end from Souteastcentral New Mexico State Junior College.
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
What’s the over and under on Linehan picking another tight-end in the draft?
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Congrats to RGRGRG, you win today’s challenge! You win an official Mizzou journalism degree! Why? Because apparently they give them out to anyone anyway. Enjoy.
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
To Jason (comment 2) and Gordo (comment 3): the missing word is ‘hurt’. Kerry Wood is hurt again. Probably the word was left out because mentioning the word ‘hurt’ in the same sentence with Kerry Wood is redundant!
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I can’t wait to watch Mizzou in the first round of…errr, well, at least I can look forward to the Blues in the play…ummm, ok, spring training is almost over and soon I’ll get to see the Cardinals kick some…
The NFL draft can’t get here soon enough.
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Memphis would be the favorite if they could actually shoot free throws. Other than that, no weaknesses.
Agreed on Gordo’s copyediting. I think you need help.
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Good news about signing Wainwright through 2013….hopefully he won’t need shoulder and/or Tommy John surgery anytime soon.
Difficult to choose the tournament winner. I have doubts about UCLA, UNC and KU. I hope I am wrong but I get the feeling that a team like Pitt or uconn may win it all.
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Here’s hoping Stephon Hannah has a nice comfortable seat watching the ncaa tournament, thanks for nothing you thug…..
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Here is a WTF entry Gordo (#3):
“Heard that Stanford-Cornell are going to dynamite the tournament at halftime.”
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
LOL, I see everyone is in fine humor this morning. Must be tourney time!!!
I shouldn’t have, but I picked KU to win it all this year. When will I ever learn.
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Take a look at Juan Uribe? Is he on the Mitchell Report?
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Damn, JAson beat me to the punch…
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
“Who could have possibly guessed that Kerry Wood would get during spring training? ”
huh?
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
The Blues will not make the playoffs. So what have we got to lose by playing Perron about 20 minutes a game??? Get this kid as much ice time as possible! It will only help him next season! Look at what lots of ice time as done for Eric Johnson so far this year…
Report this comment
Like or Dislike:
0 
0