Roger Clemens needs some love these days. The feds are zealously exploring perjury charges against him.
Agents have been poking around his business in Houston, exploring trails leading to a possible HGH supplier. The New York Times printed some of the ominous particulars and got this reaction from Clemens’ attorney, Rusty Hardin:
“You are on a witch hunt.”
Yeah, well, Roger brought that upon himself. But not everybody is raining on his parade. As Deadspin pointed out, the Huntsville Stars minor-league baseball team made him an enticing job offer.
Here is an excerpt from Stars general manager Buck Rogers’ open letter:
“We have already designed a new logo for the Huntsville Stars that now includes a rocket. Since everybody this side of Venus knows you as the ‘Rocket,’ we would like to offer you the position of our team’s official secondary mascot, ‘Rocket.’ As ‘Rocket,’ you will dress as an astronaut and simply interact with fans and assist in on-field promotions during our 70-game home schedule when the primary mascot, Homer the Polecat, is not available.
“We firmly believe that you would be a great addition to our organization and are willing to move forward in the negotiation process as soon as possible. Although the position isn’t the most lucrative in Minor League Baseball, we will guarantee that you’ll have the most fun of any team with which you’ve been employed. In addition to your $25 per game, you will receive meal vouchers redeemable at the concession stands for one hotdog and one soft drink each night, and a 15% employee discount at our team’s souvenir store, The Backstop Shop.”
MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE
Questions to ponder while Sean Landeta finally gets on with the rest of his life:
- Is Rams Nation sleeping better now that Adam Goldberg is back in the fold?
- Are the Cards serious about bringing back Sidney Ponson? Does the team realize that his name was NOT in the Mitchell Report?
- Who could have guessed that the All-American Football League would fold before ever playing a game?
WHY WE LOVE JOHN DALY
During a 2 ½-hour rain delay in the PODS Championship, golfer John Daly repaired to the Hooters Owl Nest corporate hospitality tent. There, perhaps over salad and ice tea, he struck up an instant friendship with Tampa Bay Buccaneers coach Jon Gruden.
When the tourney resumed, Daly asked Gruden to caddy the rest of the round. The Associated Press wondered if the coach helped.
“Oh, yeah,” Daly said. “He fires you up.”
QUIPS ‘R US
Here is what some of America’s leading sports pundits have been writing:
Greg Cote, Miami Herald: “The commissioners of every major sport told a Congressional committee they would oppose a proposed national steroids law because they can rein in the problem themselves. Isn’t that like a man in a burning house with a pail of water telling the fire department, ‘no thanks?’”
Mark Kriegel, FoxSports.com: “I don’t mind ESPN shelling out big money for Bobby Knight. But I deeply regret he’ll never suffer the indignity of interviewing as great a lout as himself.”
Steve Rosenbloom, ChicagoSports.com: “Larry Hughes says the Bulls have to figure out some ‘go-to plays’ when the game’s on the line, and I’m thinking, you can write down all the go-to plays you want, but until you have a go-to players, it’s just toilet paper.”
Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle: “Travis Buck describes to a local writer the first yoga class he and A’s teammate Dan Johnson attended during the offseason: ‘It was just me and Dan and a lot of old women.’ That’s so sweet! Those old women will really appreciate the mention.”
Jerry Greene, Orlando Sentinel: “There’s a rumor that LB Ray Lewis may sign with UFC. No offense, Ray, but those guys will kill you. Former WWE wrestler Brock Lesnar just had his UFC debut — and was tapping for mercy in 90 seconds.”
Bill Simmons, ESPN.com: “After watching three nationally televised Mavs games in the past week, I was amazed that every announcer and studio analyst raved about (Jason) Kidd and everything he “does” for a basketball team without ever mentioning his flaws. It’s like he was a Republican getting broken down on Fox News. We get it, he makes everyone better and runs the hell out of a fast break. But what about the fact that he can’t shoot? Or that he can’t guard any penetrating guard? Or that, when things slow down in the last four minutes of a game and everyone stops running, he’s just not as effective?”
Cote again: “The Indy Racing League and Champ Car circuits have merged, effectively consolidating two factions of too few fans into one disinterested group.”
MEGAPHONE
“We all believe, man. When you’ve got a roster full of guys that really believe in themselves, great chemistry among the team, and we go out and play extremely hard every night, I’m not surprised.”
Rockets star Tracy McGrady, on his team’s 17-game winning streak.
Hai…
Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same….
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discount golf…
Good websites come now and then; thanks for yours, and I won’t forget to bookmark for future visits, and I enthusiastically recommend to others!…
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Rorie…
Great work. I am going to pass this along….
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Kalina…
I am very impressed with your site. The quality of the design and content makes it a real winner! Thanks again for a great site and a great resource on the net….
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Jonquil…
Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment…
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Bad Credit Auto Loans…
Bad credit car loans are mostly users that choose abrupt dough along with obvious procedure !…
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Allison Hannigan…
Dork….
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Johnathan…
It has since been implemented in most other blogging tools. (Blogger now has backlinks – very similar to the trackback feature in Movable…
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Harry Convict…
Wow! This was a really enlightening article….
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Freddie…
I found this on google….
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Erin…
Good work….
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Bill…
On guard, you rascal!…
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Jessie…
I think you hit the nail on the head with this….
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Stewart…
This sure as heck beats reading Playboy in the dark wth a flashlight….
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log rules…
Any timber from large to small will have moisture in it when it…
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Internet Golf Game…
Thanks for creating this blog. I thought it was a very interesting read. It is so interesting reading other peoples personal take on a subject….
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Turtle Dove…
I will dream of your poetic words tonight….
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women’s wrestling…
I Googled for something completely different, but found your page…and have to say thanks. nice read….
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[...] cityretief goosen 2008slaverykansas state basketball rosterbrian butch bankshot videoconnie hawkinsNew job opportunity for the Rocket Roger Clemens needs some love these days. The feds are zealously exploring perjury charges against [...]
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[...] managed somehow to find time to tell everyone how busy she is! Somewhere bwww.ingolfwetrust.comNew job opportunity for the Rocket Roger Clemens needs some love these days. The feds are zealously exploring perjury charges against [...]
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[...] Could Profit From a Recession? Sports Chicago Sports ESPN Yahoo Fantasy Sportsjacoblshapiro.comNew job opportunity for the Rocket – St. Louis Post-DispatchSteve Rosenbloom, ChicagoSports.com: ???Larry Hughes says the Bulls have to figure out some ???go-to [...]
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That’s because between Kirksville and the Mississippi there is nothing around. If you go in that area you may not be in the middle of nowhere, but you can sure the hell see it from there…
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Only in Missouri would a school named Northeast Missouri State be geographically west of the “big school” located in the middle of the state.
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To number 10
If your son’s peewee team played against other peewee competition and won more games than the Rams then they were better than the Rams dollar for dollar. It appears that dollar for dollar MSU might be better than MU – historically.
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The Bears might have a better winning percentage, but I bet the Tigers have more NCAA appearances, and like we tell Cub fans all the time, head to head don’t mean jack unless you get to the postseason…
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To Missourians, the school will always be Southwest Missouri State, just like the campus in Kirksville will always Northeast Missouri State. SMSU can change its name to Homer Simpson University or We Beat Drake Every Few Years University for all I care.
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the university of missouri is an oxymoron – like military intelligence.smsu rocks
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Doesn MoSt. play some high school teams as part of their schedule? Serioulsy, comparing divisions for the 2 schools is like Kobe playing in the WNBA.
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Open Wheel racing/IRL is the shizzle when it comes to car racing. Take your nascar and your restricter plates and let Cletus the slack jaw yokel yell whenever someone named Dale drives.
Open Wheel is cutting edge technology from an engineering and mechanical perspective. These guys needs MBAs while NASCAR grease monkeys are qualified becuase their dad once dropped an engine in ‘77 Nova.
Drilling another hole in a restricter plate is not the apex of an engineering feat.
When will America learn!!
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To #20
Does it really matter? MSU will always play secod fiddle to MU. You better get used to that and not be so angry about it. Get laid and root for your Bears. Stop having such short man’s syndrome.
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Tyler,
Hanging out in Columbia for a weekend doesn’t mean you got accepted there! The fact that you procreated (that means you got a girl pregnant, just to spell it out for you) is a disturbing thought in itself. I don’t know who I feel more sorry for the girl or the kid. At least the girl had a choice, well, maybe.
RE: #18
There is no Southwest Missouri State University!
If you don’t take us seriously then why did they (Columbia’s Rep.) block the name change for over twenty years?
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They suck, but they run against good teams…texas, kansas, kstate – lots of action in those games. good athletes on both sides.
mstate may beat mizzou head to head, may not…but they still remind me of my d2 opponents when i watch them. at least i get some nostalgia there.
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There is not many MU replies because MU alums don’t take Southwest Missouri State seriously.
SMSU is Garfunkel to MU’s Simon.
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To #13
I don’t need a dictionary to read your posts. I actually had to score above a 22 on my ACT to get into college.
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RE: RC
Then you haven’t watched a MU basketball game in the last three years!
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I’m not from Missouri, so take this for what it is…but every Missouri State athletic event that Ive seen on television for the past 3 years Ive been here…well, ive fallen asleep. Literally. Maybe its the uniforms, the cheerleaders…I dont know.
I cant say the same happens when I watch Missouri.
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I love to come on this blog and try to rid myself of my impotent feelings from attending a second class backwater school full of hayseeds and ag-majors whose idea of a showdown invloves schools like Drake. Who inthe hell even knows where Drake is? Let me guess, it is in a backwater second class town, the Springfield of whatever state it sits in. Us Bear fans love to celebrate our inferior school anyway we can. Go Bears (with wrist appropriately limp)…
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RE: Brad Pitt aka Tyler Durden
FYI Springfield is SOUTHWEST Missouri, you would think Brad Pitt would know that since he’s from there! The bootheel is located in SOUTHEAST Missouri. Are all MU *****suckers geographically challenged (I know I used big words, and those are hard for you to understand but there are free dictionaries online if you need help)?
Also, the leading canidate for the NCAA Player of the Year Award (Tyler Hansborough) is from Poplar Bluff, which is in the bootheel. So what’s wrong with the bootheel?
Get over yourself!
Go screw a Cubs fan!
You’re an idiot!
When you think of a comeback make sure to check your facts first! That way you won’t look so dumb! Who am I kidding you’ll still look dumb, but at least they will be facts!
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Tyler Durden,
Your character doesn’t even exist in the movie!! So I will not listen to your non-sensical argument until you give a better one than comparing a 7 year old’s football team to the Lambs.
Kentucky plays in probably the toughest conference in the nation, and they have the best overall record!! But with your logic, shouldn’t Mizzou have a better record than Kentucky, UNC or Duke?? The Big 12 is a weaker conference than the SEC and ACC. Records and Championships prove that beyond an argument.
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Excellent research Corby!!
Mizzou is won’t play MO St., because they are afraid of losing, which would likely happen. Now that John Q Hammons has donated all this money for the new arena, they have to put a strong team together to get people to come watch them. This leads me to believe that no matter what happens in the MVC tourney this weekend they will fire Hinson.
Who is going to replace him? I can’t wait to see who they pick! Last year I thought the administration were idiots for re-signing Hinson, now that they are talking about firing him I have renewed faith in President Nietzel. Hopefully they can get someone who can bring in good recruits and turn this program into a national powerhouse. I’m thinking with Mizzou paying all these football players, whoops I mean focusing, right now is the time!
Did all the angry MU fans take the day off? This is my third post and yet not one negative comment from MU fans!
FU MU!
GO BEARS!
That should start something!
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to #8….
could that have anything to do with Southwest Missouri State playing in weak conferences?
my son’s peewee football team had more wins than the Rams this year….that makes them better right?
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Seriously, Missouri State is a nonfactor. Go back to the bootheel you hoosier.
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Missouri St. Alum,
I noticed how you have gotten pounded by the Mizzou fans over the past week or so about MO State not having the same caliber teams as Mizzou so I did some research for you. It turns out that over the course of each teams basketball history, MO State has more victories in less amount of years played than Mizzou!!! I have it broken down below…. Now I understand that Mizzou plays in a bigger conference, but if they are sooo much better, then the record should still show regardless.
School First Season Won Lost Pct.
Missouri 1907 1,360 949 .589
Missouri St. 1909 1,407 764 .648
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Clemens rules, he’s innocent, he never took roids!
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RE: Tim
The only problem with Memphis is their weak schedule. The best team they’ve played so far is Tenn., and they lost! Too weak of a schedule to call them #1. Kansas has the same problem!
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Gratz to the Bears last night. I hope UNC hammers them too, but I still think Memphis is the #1 team in the country…
Dave, LOL…
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Big win last night for the MO St. Bears. While it would be cool to see the Bears win the MVC, I’m really rooting for Hinson to be fired. Horrible coach, with no credibility and doesn’t like to recruit anyone outside 200 miles of Springfield. I’m still trying to figure out how he got the job in the first place! Bobby Knight would be nice, but not a reality!
Enough with the Clemens stories. The next one I want to read is the one where they announce his indictment!
Anyone else excited to watch UNC beat the crap out of Duke this weekend? That little turd Paulus won’t have any easy night now that Ty Lawson is back!
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If I could play 1 round of golf with anybody I wanted, it would be John Daly. Just riding around the course, beating the hell out balls and drinking beer. Fuzzy Z can join in too. I’d also like to see Clemens get 3 days in the electric chair.
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I’d like less news about Clemens and more about the cheating the Patriots did…but the NFL is doing a great job of squashing that story, aren’t they?
John Daly may be a train wreck, but he is a cool train wreck…
I don’t understand Gordo’s beef about the Blues schedule. Yes, this road trip absolutely sucks, but they knew it was coming. The Kings have 9 game road trips every year, and so do the Canucks. It doesn’t matter what the schedule is, you have to win games to make the playoffs, and we aren’t doing that, here or on the road…
Bill Simmons has never written a nice, concise sentence, has he?
TGIF
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Anyone else had about enough of the Rocket? I look forward to his fading away………
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