With so much information floating around the World Wide Web, there’s really no reason to ever find yourself on a date with a verifiable loser.
All but the sneakiest/careful people leave some sort of trail on the Internet. Court records. Real estate holdings. Property tax bills. Sex offender databases.
Jaimi Dowdell, the Post-Dispatch’s Data Diva – and no, sadly, I don’t believe this is her official title – has put together a handy step-by-step guide to backgrounding dates.
Of course, you don’t have to limit it to dates. You can harness the power of the Internet and searchable databases to check out your friends, old and new. Got a new dentist? Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to delve into her past just a bit. What about that next-door neighbor who seems a nice enough chap? Heck, I’ve known my wife for a decade now. But what do I really know about her past? Hmmm.
I wonder how many people out there actually do this sort of stuff. Of course, the practice of Googling people has become fairly routine. But how far would you go to check out someone’s background before investing time with them? And have you ever found anything that made you refuse to see someone?
Tim has covered a wide range of topics, including tourism, crime, aviation and gambling, since becoming a reporter in 1990. The Oklahoma native joined the Post-Dispatch in 2007 after spending nine years in Orlando. In his spare time, he's often exploring one virtual world or another. He can be reached at tbarker@post-dispatch.com. 
First rule of dating is that if you can’t ask the person face to face, then you don’t deserve the answer. If I ever found a woman doing a background check on me, then that would be a short date. I don’t care if some guy lied to them or might be a pervert. If you are going to assume that all men are that way, I have no use for you. I would compare rooting through by personal data akin to rooting throught my date’s purse when she went to the restroom. She has nothing to hide right?
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Bravo! I think this article is long-overdue! I found out the hard way that resources like this are available. There are some real predators out there and, unless you know where to look, they kinda blend in with the rest of the population.
I was dating a British guy here in Saint Louis who was charming, articulate, educated, single, etc. When we first met, he said he was divorced for over 8 years and his wife lived in another country. Yeah, that country was Ballwin, where she lived with him, oblivious to his bad behavior and thinking she was happily married for 24 years.
Also, when we first met, he told me that he had been in the British Army for 15 years and had been shot in the chest while serving in Northern Ireland. This was not true either, he has a scar on his chest because he had bypass surgery. He also told this lie to employers too – and without the ability to background check in the UK, everyone simply believed him.
In the end, I had to get a restraining order against him due to his obsessive behaviors – I just wish more women knew to take a look beyond the charm (and the accent) and do the research – casenet, county tax records, etc – it’s in the public domain – there is no reason not to check.
This guy’s a creep and he’s back out in circulation. I feel badly for the next woman he cons. Maybe you should interview him for a follow-up
Anyway, thanks again for providing such a great resource.
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It works for parents, too, to find out about who your kids are hanging around with. I’ve only squealed on one that a daughter was dating.. and it was because he was lying about his “pure” past.
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While I think you might want to find out if someone is a married or a sex predator or other ill, but to do such deep research takes off the charm of getting to know someone. Like Don has said, you can’t really judge based on what you found. Is a youthful indiscretion a strike against what coulda/woulda/shoulda been Mr. Right? Can the man who has overcome cancer–but not the overwhelming debt—make a better partner beause of his innerstrength, although lacking bank balance? (And what kind of gold digger checks real estate and pers. property info anyway?!)
Perhaps the Data Diva and those following/needing such advice should stop dating complete strangers and such background checks would not be needed.
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I’d like to turn the tables for a moment…
How would the Data Diva react if she discovered a man she barely knew (first date scenario) had tracked down where she lived, her phone number, her financial records, etc. Would she feel comfortable dating this person? Or what if, on the first date, he honestly and openly asks you for this information? “When did you buy your home? What kind of car do you drive? Have you ever been arrested? Where do you live?” Creepy.
Also, I’d humbly suggest that if you start out trying to “dig up all the dirt you can find” on any relationship, personal or business, you aren’t really interested in a relationship.
I’m not saying there’s not a time or place for retrieving this information, but the first date isn’t it. After several dates when the chemistry seems to be there, you can start prodding a little. Even then, everyone should realize it’s not risk-free. I personally would drop a woman like a hot potato if I found she did these searches before we started dating. It suggests an over-reliance on the monetary (income, kind of car I drive, home ownership and value), someone not entirely trustworthy nor trusting, who is a control freak.
Scott’s comments can go both ways… “A person’s integrity is measured by how they choose to act when no one is looking.” Note that many of those sites listed will report to the subject that their information has been accessed if they request. I’m curious as to whether the Diva informs her dates that she’s done this background check? How many continue dating her after finding out?
Note also that a search can bring up multiple people. Some names are pretty common. Can you be sure you have the right one? Maybe the John Smith that asked you out is legit, but you looked up a John Smith who’s married and beats up his grandmother.
You can’t judge just from the data. A 35 year old who’s never owned a home might have put himself through college, graduate school, and medical school and hasn’t been able to save for a home yet. Maybe he just likes having someone else deal with lawnmowing and maintenance. Maybe he lives at home because his parents are seriously ill and in need of care?
Bottom line is… you’ll never meet Mr or Miss Right on a scorecard.
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Too far is not far enough if it is public information. Thanks for a great article. I was able to add a few more search enginee links to my favorites.
I often research my clients, but its too late to Google my wife of many years. Although I did and found a few traffic tickets I never knew about. Just kidding!
A persons integrity is measured by how the choose to act when no one is looking. Those with a high level of integrity surround themselves with others who are committed to supporting them, and leave themselves no space to hide. Very powerful.
Kudo’s to a great article. Eye’s wide open, nothing to hide, and living full out.
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